I’ve highjacked the name of my favorite podcastser’s one man show for the title of this post because it’s so apropos. I’ve written about him here before. His name is Mike Schmidt and he’s a California comedian who is almost exactly my age. We both grew up in the Midwest so we have many of the same cultural touchstones. But we seem to have a lot of other things in common– including the whole success is not an option thing.
He says it jokingly; well, maybe half jokingly. I’m pretty sure I’m serious about my assessment.
I got a job. Sorta. I get on Freelance Writing Jobs every morning and read through the daily offerings. I respond to every job I think I can handle, which is usually 3-4 a day. Yesterday was the first time I got an answer back. I was pretty happy, let me tell you. But now my enthusiasm is deflated. I took too long to do the job. I didn’t know I was taking too long, but the feedback I got on my work was about how it should never have taken me that long to complete. I am not happy. It’s too early to tell if I’ll get a second chance, but I’m hoping. As low as the pay is, I need the money.
So it has me thinking about success. The advice to freelancers is that disappointment, failure, and rejection are part of the game and you just have to shake it off and move on to the next project. I’m trying to have that attitude. Really I am. The problem is that I am too invested (emotionally and otherwise) in this writing endeavor to not take every failure on my behalf with the kind of flogging Nero, Hitler, and Stalin deserve.
I can count my successes on one hand– literally; four published articles on Associated Content. (But there are two in the works, waiting for the editorial department to pass judgment.) Which maybe that’s not enough to go on in terms of evaluating a lifetime career? I mean, I’m not looking for the Pulitzer. I’m not trying to win a Newberry. I’m not trying to rock the world with my awesomeness– which is a good thing since I have no awesomeness with which to rock the world. What I do want, however, is to succeed enough to say that I am doing what I love well enough that I can pay my bills and feed my cat and my dog and maybe fix up a few things around the house. These are not lofty goals. They’re plain old average American goals. Worthy goals I believe. And if that’s all success is for me, well, why can’t I achieve it?
What I want to believe is that each article I write, each chore I get done, each time I feed my cat and dog, those are successes. I want to look at the small things, the microscopic mundane things that make up a life and judge myself based on getting those things accomplished. I don’t want to look at the big picture where success is not achievable. It’s hard though. When failure stalks you at every turn, when you can’t outrun it, when nothing you do is right or done well enough to satisfy the demands of others, it’s awfully hard to look at a clean kitchen and say everything is right with the world.
I really feel as if success is not an option for me. And I’m not sure what to do about it. Except maybe go clean the kitchen.
P.S.– If you live in or near Philadelphia, PA and are looking for a good time, check out Mike’s show tonight at the Plays and Players Theater: 3rd floor. Tickets are just $20 for a very funny show about one man and his life. I would be there in a heartbeat if my car could make it, and I had money for a hotel room, and, well, for that matter, had $20 for the ticket. (Oh, and if you go, wish him a happy birthday. He turns 44 today.)
Jean
July 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Hi Kathi – nice to meet you.
I just read the majority of your blog posts and let me tell you, I completely and totally understand you. I feel exactly the same. I’m also an aspiring freelance writer, but you’re right – breaking in is very tough.
Reading so many writing blogs with conflicting advice just makes my eyes hurt. It’s hard to read now. One writer says “yes, get a few articles published in a content mill”. Another says “no editor will take your articles at a content mill seriously – avoid them”. Then another says “if your focus is article writing, get anything published online so you can use them as samples”. I have subscriptions to about 10 writing blogs and it’s just too much.
Your posts resonate with me. I feel your frustration and can relate to your uncertainty. I haven’t applied at very many gigs yet and I know it’s mainly out of the fear of rejection. The market feels so saturated, too – how is anyone with some actual skill (like yourself!) get a foot in the proverbial door?
I actually have a niche, and said niche even has a dedicated website just for related job listings. Unfortunately, they’re almost all “volunteer” or free work, and I don’t want to work for free. The joke wages some people offer are just as bad, too. It takes me about 2 hours or so to write a decent blog post or article. Taking 10.00 for it is a slap in the face.
Yet, when you’re trying to make a living, what can you do?
The niche thing was hard for me to figure out as well – I thought my niche was too hard to be taken seriously. Now I see that it’s just as saturated as any other – the key is to stand out. (For the record, my niches are video games and gaming.) Guess I have to suck it up and work for free just to get my name out there. Ugh.
Finding a niche will definitely help you find some focus – that much I can vouch for. I’ve been a gamer for 25 years, so I decided to stick to that. Do you have any hobbies? I noticed you talk about your pets a lot (I want a cat myself someday.. sigh) so perhaps that can be your focus? Pet care, or animals? Perhaps just dogs ad cats? Maybe you can write for pet care magazines online and in print, do copywriting for sites that sell animal related services and products, or write articles about pets in general to EZineArticles, where you’re not restricted to writing about a specific subject. (I have an article in review there at the moment.) I don’t know – maybe it’ll spark some ideas for you.
I’m appalled that someone said “you took too long to write”. You’re way too good for them. If they want something quick, they can go buy a PLR article and spin it with some software. If they want well researched, thought out and high quality work, then they better shut up, pay up and hire a freelance writer who knows their stuff.
Your goals are similar to mine and I want to achieve them, too. The last thing I want to do is suit up, commute to an office and work at a mindless job for an equally mindless boss for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. But when things get tough, it’s sorely tempting and I hate myself for even considering it.
You’re definitely not alone with your thoughts and experiences so far with breaking in, Kathi. I wanted to respond to a lot of your posts, but I’ll just reply to this one for now to let you know that someone out there hears you.
kaleba
July 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Bless you Jean. I’m so happy you wrote. I don’t feel quite so alone now. I’m totally with you on the not wanting to suit up (love the way you said that!) and commute to an office. But yes, it’s hard out here in Freelance Writing World. Too hard? I struggle with that everyday. All those writers out there making money at it make it sound so easy and like everyone can do it, but it sure doesn’t look that way from my perspective.
I think you’re probably right about the niche thing– dogs and cats, or maybe just dogs. I’m hardly and expert though and that word- expert- gets me. I was a social worker for many years but I know I’m not an expert at that. Nonetheless I mapped out a whole plan to write articles and blog posts on what I learned about goal setting and all that social work-y stuff. (Write what you know!) Guess what I wrote about instead? Dogs and cats. Probably I should just go with that, huh? Ok, Jean, there, you just solidified it for me. Thank you.
I wish you all the luck in the world. If there’s anything I can do to help please let me know. You have a wildly popular niche, even if it is just as saturated as every other niche out there. Don’t give in to fear because you write very well. And you have a great web site. The work has to come flooding in, doesn’t it?
Thanks again, Jean, for writing, and for the support, and for letting me know I’m not so alone.
Samie Cordon
July 29, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Can we make an aspiring freelance writer’s club?
I wanted to say I relate to both of you. The market seems to be really hard to break into right now. Personally, I’m also trying to write for local publications as well. I figure that once I have a portfolio full of published work that I won’t get the people that say that even $30 for an article is too much to pay, or, like they said to you, that they had to wait too long.
And to reinforce Jean’s point about the ridiculous pay some people offer. The first job on elance that I applied for, I told them I charge a ‘base fee of $30 [for a 500 word article]‘. Which I thought was pretty fair (according to this: http://www.njcreatives.org/membership/120-how-much-should-i-charge.html website), and they came back and told me that ‘top’ writers for their company got paid $8-$10 per article, and their budget was $4-$6. Needless to say, I declined the gig, as they had me write a sample and that took me two hours to write and edit.
I think that we really do have to keep a stiff upper lip about it. I’m not quitting my other job yet, but I’m also not going to compromise on price. How I tend to think of it is this: if we compromise on the price, we are saying that we are not good enough writers to get paid a decent wage. That’s something we can’t do. I think, to a degree, it affects out self esteem as writers. Try to think of it that way. That you’re holding out for a client to pay what you’re worth.
kaleba
July 29, 2011 at 5:22 pm
“Can we make an aspiring freelance writer’s club?”– Sammie, you read my mind. After I read Jean’s comment I thought to myself, we need a support group. Well, maybe that’s just me. lol
Thank you for your comments Sammie. I think it’s great you had the guts to turn down the dismal offer. I’m not sure I would– much to my detriment. I agree with you that we can’t compromise on our fees, at the same time as thinking that maybe we have to take what we can get– at least until we get a portfolio that proves we deserve decent wages. As you can probably guess, I’m pretty conflicted about all this. And you know, I have to say, that’s probably because of all the conflicting advice out there. Then you throw in the state of the economy, and well, the waters get pretty muddied.
That’s an excellent observation about lower wages affecting our self-esteem as writers, and not one I had considered. I think you’re right though. I was a social worker for many years, a job that does not pay well at all. I got a lot of comments from friends and family about getting a “real” job (ie: one that pays a decent wage) and how they oh so admired me for doing what I do considering the pay was so low. Ha. Yeah right. After a while it read like a veiled insult. There is no merit in sacrificing yourself for your work.
Thanks again Sammie for your comments and I wish you all the luck there is in launching your career.
Jean
July 30, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Hi Samie! The club sounds like a great idea – I wonder if there’s one like it for writers like us and don’t charge 100.00/month? Those are the only support groups I ever see around. I only wish I had money like that so spare.
Building a portfolio is tough – I’m hating it so far. It makes me wonder how any of “those” writers ever got their start. It seems like they were all lucky and had friends and family who gave a damn, or just managed to score with that single cold call. I also wonder what kind of work do we need displayed on our portfolio to finally drive away cheap clients?
30.00 for a 500 word article is more than fair. (That’s a handy website too – thanks for that!) And wow, the bullshit from that client claiming those prices.is so foul I can smell it through the monitor. AND they wanted a sample? Oh, no. No, no, no. These people need a reality check yesterday. I sure as hell wouldn’t throw six bucks at my gynecologist for a pap smear. I can’t do my own nor do I have the knowledge, so I’m paying someone who does to perform it for me.
Hey, BS client, it’s the same thing. By the way, you still stink.
You’re spot-on with how compromising on our rates can erode our self-esteem. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it’s absolutely true! Saying yes to a low rate now will make us feel like “well, if I’m only worth this much, then my work isn’t all that great.” And that can spiral into something much more dire than missing your bill. I’m sticking to my rate and I won’t budge. Someone out there will see our worth and pay us accordingly.
Then, we’ll give 100% to that client, they’ll refer us or come back to us for more work, and sooner or later we’ll be one of “those” supercilious writers with blogs saying “you can be a writer too, it’s easy!”
Wow.. I’m ranting way too much. I should totally post these publicly. It’s deliciously controversial and may raise some eyebrows. Heh.
Jean
July 30, 2011 at 5:59 pm
You’re welcome, Kathi! I’m glad to hear that you’ve decided on a niche! I got scared off by the whole expert requirement, too. But what’s kept me going is that fact that Google’s always at your fingertips. Researching a topic or element of your niche is a mere keystroke away.
I’ve had to double check facts, dates and confirm information before declaring it as truth as well. The clients who come to you with their pet related projects will give you the info they need you to write, and if you post your own articles displaying your knowledge, that’ll be more than enough for them.
Ugh, yes! So many of these writers make it sound like it’s a snap to get into the business. I just finished reading a blog from a freelance writer who claims he made 4-5k a month in his 3rd month freelancing. However, what he didn’t mention (until you read his other posts) is that he came from a high paying job as a sales manager, had a degree in journalism (so I’m sure he played that up) and asked his old clients if they needed his new writing services. Naturally, he had enough bites to keep going.
That’s discouraging. So, now we all have to have journalism and English degrees to even be taken seriously? Oh yeah, I’ve read more than enough blogs, PDFs and reports that they don’t need one, but let’s be real here. Having one seems to help tremendously. Otherwise, the writer better be damn good at marketing yourself.
Sigh.. now I’m ranting. I’m sorry.
Thanks for your offer to help as well!
I’ll definitely keep an eye out for any gigs you may be interested in, specifically in the pet industry. When you get around to building a site of your own and need some advice, I’d be happy to help! I actually design my own so I know a thing or two about it. 
That pesky fear.. I’m sick of watching my days go by and not do anything to make them worth living. It’s time to take action!
kaleba
July 30, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Rant on and make no apologies!
Well, that’s what I’m going to do… if my blog is any indication. lol
Thanks, Jean, for the offer to help. I may take you up on that one day… when I feel more comfortable with shelling out the cash each month for a website. I know, I know, you gotta spend money to make money but geesh, where does it end ya know?
Yes, it’s time to take action! Sending good vibes your way…